Where is my happy ending?

A friend of mine asked in her facebook status recently; "Why do they show us these love stories that will never happen, they just set us up for disappointment!"

How true my friend. So in honor of K2 (my clever nickname for her) and following in the steps of books like He's Just Not That Into You I offer up some advice/knowledge on the subject of love and happily ever after...

1) The way to a man's heart is not his stomach..its actually a complicated path that starts with his eyes, travels downward to his *cough* ya know, and then heads toward his brain. If you can successfully navigate the path, you may get a chance to cook for him, in which case, his stomach may play a small part in the final result of the relationship.

2) You are most likely never going to get a makeover that knocks his socks off. In real life, the number of pretty girls who go around looking "ugly" until someone runs a brush through their hair and plucks their eyebrows (a la Miss Congeniality or She's All That) is pretty slim. Be realistic, a new outfit, hairstyle, or lip gloss is probably lost on most guys...they're not too into that sort of thing, in case you haven't noticed. And oh yeah, the fat girl who loses a bunch of weight and suddenly has boys all over her...that doesn't happen very often either. And lets face it...even if you get a killer makeover and suddenly look like Angelina Jolie's kid sister...do you really want a guy so shallow that even though he's known you forever and knows what a great personality you have, only now shows interest in you? At least go for a shallow guy who doesn't know you at all, that way you can pretend he likes you for your personality.

3) Love at first sight is a myth. Lust at first sight...very real! Do not mistake the latter for the former. Its true that you may feel an instant spark or connection with someone...this does not mean you are meant to be together forever. That's not to say you shouldn't pursue it, see where it goes, but lets not be Romeo and Juliet about it. You do realize they had known each other for, like, 20 minutes when they decided they were in love. Also...its fiction. Try and remember that people.

4) Don't settle for less than you deserve...but don't pass on someone because they aren't everything you imagined when you were 12. If you feel I've been harsh on the male half of our society, don't worry, this is where the girls get it. Listen up ladies! He may not look like Brad Pitt, but really, who does? Is he nice? Funny? Interesting? Do you have common interests and ideals? Does he love you? If the answer to all these questions is yes, and the thing holding you back it that he's a 2 and you're an 8...get over yourself! You want someone who will be with you forever...and in fifty years neither one of you will look that good.

5) Lastly, remember this: You are a valuable person, whether or not you have a significant other. Nothing frustrates me more than a girl (or guy) who feels like they are worthless because they aren't in a relationship. Or that they can't live without their "one true love." (Hey Twilight fans...ring any "Bella"s?) Being single has its negatives, but it can be a positive as well. Use that time to work on yourself. Are you where you want to be in life? Have you done everything you want to do? Make sure you are able to live life no matter what..single or in a relationship. There is no guarantee that even if you fall in love and get married, that you will never be single again. Look at the divorce rate! Or, your spouse could die in a car accident, from cancer, or the swine flu. (Okay, maybe not swine flu) My point is this: Yes Cher, there is life after love, and I believe in it.

You may not have understood that Cher refrence...

You may think that I'm too cynical...

You may be right.

But that doesn't make what I said any less true.