Things I Hate About Losing Weight...

So yeah, I know, losing weight is good for my health, and I'll probably look better, but it's not all sunshine and rainbows.
I am committed to losing weight, but like any relationship, it has it's problems.

1) None of my clothes fit: This is great as a way to judge how my weight loss is affecting my body. Not so great because I don't have endless amounts of money to spend on new clothes. Instead, I just get to go around in baggy clothes lookin pretty sloppy...:(

2) Dessert and I had a bitter break-up: In order to be in a relationship with weight loss, I had to end things with dessert. He has since come around several times, begging for a chance to come back into my life. I am ashamed to admit I did have a small post-break-up fling...

3) The whole "Wow you look so good now!" compliment: So, umm, how bad did I look before? Cause you never said anything, and I thought we were friends.

4) Boys are suddenly interested (I know this seems like a good thing, but to my neurotic brain, it isn't) : What is it, exactly, about this particular 40 pounds that makes me so attractive? Cause I was skinnier than this in high school, and I never had this many boys flirting with me. I am the same person now that I was 40 pounds ago, so are you just interested in me cause my waist shrank but my booty and chest didn't? If so, I'm not trying to be in that kind of relationship.

5) Skinny people who think that my weight loss makes it ok for them to try and lose weight: Okay, just cause I lost some weight, doesn't mean I feel sorry for your little size-6-ass-that-used-to-be-a-4! I am still in the double digits when it comes to size, so as far as I am concerned, you look banging. (On the plus side, this makes me want to vomit, so maybe I can lose some weight that way*)

So you see, getting thinner is not always a good thing. Or at least, these are the excuses I use when that hot fudge sundae come strutting past, lookin all delicious, tryin to get me back. :)

* Kidding! Anorexia and Bulimia are serious problems and should never be used as a weight loss method!

Where is my happy ending?

A friend of mine asked in her facebook status recently; "Why do they show us these love stories that will never happen, they just set us up for disappointment!"

How true my friend. So in honor of K2 (my clever nickname for her) and following in the steps of books like He's Just Not That Into You I offer up some advice/knowledge on the subject of love and happily ever after...

1) The way to a man's heart is not his stomach..its actually a complicated path that starts with his eyes, travels downward to his *cough* ya know, and then heads toward his brain. If you can successfully navigate the path, you may get a chance to cook for him, in which case, his stomach may play a small part in the final result of the relationship.

2) You are most likely never going to get a makeover that knocks his socks off. In real life, the number of pretty girls who go around looking "ugly" until someone runs a brush through their hair and plucks their eyebrows (a la Miss Congeniality or She's All That) is pretty slim. Be realistic, a new outfit, hairstyle, or lip gloss is probably lost on most guys...they're not too into that sort of thing, in case you haven't noticed. And oh yeah, the fat girl who loses a bunch of weight and suddenly has boys all over her...that doesn't happen very often either. And lets face it...even if you get a killer makeover and suddenly look like Angelina Jolie's kid sister...do you really want a guy so shallow that even though he's known you forever and knows what a great personality you have, only now shows interest in you? At least go for a shallow guy who doesn't know you at all, that way you can pretend he likes you for your personality.

3) Love at first sight is a myth. Lust at first sight...very real! Do not mistake the latter for the former. Its true that you may feel an instant spark or connection with someone...this does not mean you are meant to be together forever. That's not to say you shouldn't pursue it, see where it goes, but lets not be Romeo and Juliet about it. You do realize they had known each other for, like, 20 minutes when they decided they were in love. Also...its fiction. Try and remember that people.

4) Don't settle for less than you deserve...but don't pass on someone because they aren't everything you imagined when you were 12. If you feel I've been harsh on the male half of our society, don't worry, this is where the girls get it. Listen up ladies! He may not look like Brad Pitt, but really, who does? Is he nice? Funny? Interesting? Do you have common interests and ideals? Does he love you? If the answer to all these questions is yes, and the thing holding you back it that he's a 2 and you're an 8...get over yourself! You want someone who will be with you forever...and in fifty years neither one of you will look that good.

5) Lastly, remember this: You are a valuable person, whether or not you have a significant other. Nothing frustrates me more than a girl (or guy) who feels like they are worthless because they aren't in a relationship. Or that they can't live without their "one true love." (Hey Twilight fans...ring any "Bella"s?) Being single has its negatives, but it can be a positive as well. Use that time to work on yourself. Are you where you want to be in life? Have you done everything you want to do? Make sure you are able to live life no matter what..single or in a relationship. There is no guarantee that even if you fall in love and get married, that you will never be single again. Look at the divorce rate! Or, your spouse could die in a car accident, from cancer, or the swine flu. (Okay, maybe not swine flu) My point is this: Yes Cher, there is life after love, and I believe in it.

You may not have understood that Cher refrence...

You may think that I'm too cynical...

You may be right.

But that doesn't make what I said any less true.

Why are these people talking during my movie?

While I do not condone talking in a movie theater, I will listen to someone talk over my movie...on a commentary.
I am going to take this opportunity to try and make you see why commentaries are so wonderful. I am a (capital F) Fan of movie commentaries. I will pay more for a deluxe or special edition of a movie if it comes with a commentary. Forget deleted scenes or outtakes, the real thrill is sitting down and hearing exactly what the director and/or actors were thinking while filming a scene. Also included in many commentaries are bits of trivia and moments of humor that can make you laugh more than the actual movie.

Maybe you have never listened to a commentary and have no opinion, or maybe you are like my friend Gretchen who finds the talking during the movie annoying, but either way, I consider it my personal duty to sway your opinion towards commentary. With this in mind, I have compiled a short list of my favorite movie commentaries. It is my hope that you will watch one or more of these movies with the commentary on, and by so doing, find yourself to be a Fan of the commentary as well.

She's The Man - Leading actors and the director tease each other with the easy familiarity of friends...you know they all got along while filming, and Andy Fickman throws in all sorts of interesting tidbits.

Twilight - Robert Pattinson's self-deprecating humor steals the commentary from his costar and the director. It is possible I like this movie more with the commentary than without.

Ocean's Eleven - Andy Garcia, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon are a power team, nuff said.

Anchorman - Will Ferrell does a commentary of his best movie ever, and he's freaking Will Ferrell, how could it not be funny?

Juno - In this case, less funny, more introspection on the movie, but still very interesting. Commentators are Diablo Cody (writer) and Jason Reitman (Director)

Connie and Carla - Nia Vardolos, writer and star, offers a glimpse into her inspiration for the movie, and you get to learn about all the drag queens' real lives.

A Walk To Remember - Any commentary with Adam Shankman is good, but I really like this one, because Mandy Moore and Shane West can be both poignant and amusing.

Pirates of the Caribbean - Any time you can listen to Johnny Depp talk for over two hours is time well spent.

Love Actually - With this movie, pretty much any way you watch it, its good. You could put on mute. But why, when you can listen to Hugh Grant, Bill Nighy and more discuss the movie with insight and genuine affection for their work.

I encourage you to take a chance on a commentary...and do let me know how it goes!

The Trouble With School Is, They Always Try and Teach The Wrong Lessons

It's not that I have anything against the idea of school. I love learning, and I have had teachers in my life that made me want to go to class. My main problem is that 75% of what I learned in school is useless in the real world. Certainly there are applications of math and science in the real world. And there is certainly some proof behind that old "those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it" phrase you always hear. But, in general, schools do not prepare you for life after graduation. Home Economics, which many schools do offer as an elective, is not nearly enough. They try to cram everything into one class. I think it would be more appropriate to separate the subjects and teach a class on each issue.

With this in mind I have prepared a sampling of classes I wish had been offered in my high school.

Finance: Where you learn to balance a check book and budget to live within your means, and they should certainly teach you about the danger of credit cards. Students should also learn how to do their own taxes. Even if you don't end up doing your own taxes later in life, knowing how the government figures out what you owe them is important.

Cooking: Baking cookies will not cut it. Everyone should know how to make at least five dinners. Healthy meals that aren't expensive or difficult to prepare. My generation lives on frozen pre-prepared meals and fast food. Its not healthy and its not economical. (I actually didn't need a class like this, as my mother is a throwback from the olden days and taught me not only how to cook, but how to can vegetables and make jam, but I have many friends who can't make anything more difficult than mac & cheese)

Speech: It's true that many schools do offer a class like this, but it is not always mandatory. it is important to know how to speak before a group of people. You never know when this situation might pop up, but I can guarantee you that it does.

Health: I don't just mean a teacher who tells you to eat right, and exercise. I think students need to learn about the health care system in America. Insurance need to be explained. Also included should be a comprehensive Sex Ed. Most schools teach either abstinence, or they offer a short session on birth control options. Both of these are bad. Students should know and understand all of the effects of sex, on their physical well being and their mental and emotional levels as well. If they choose to have sex anyway they need to be clear that no birth control is 100% at preventing pregnancy, or STDs. And they need to be familiar with all the options.

Employment: <--(So not an accurate name for what is to follow, but its all I've got.) Students need to understand how to create a resume and cover letter. They also need practical experience on how to conduct themselves in an interview. Additionally, students should be made aware of the reality of the work force at that particular time. They need to understand that just because they want to be on Broadway, doesn't mean they should major in theatre. (I'm not saying you shouldn't follow your dreams, but I do think people should be practical when picking a major...you are shelling out a ton of cash for this degree...are you going to be able to use it?)

Reading: Trying to cram reading into English classes is a major problem in America. English should be about proper sentence structure, how to write a good paper, research techniques, etc. Reading should be about learning to expand your horizons by trying new authors and genres. Students need to understand that there is no easier way to expand your mind than to read. Reading increases vocabulary, can help with understanding social situations, and can increase your base of factual knowledge. In addition, reading anything, even a romance novel or magazine article, exercises your brain and keeps it younger.

What do you think? Am I completely crazy, or would you also have appreciated knowing some of these things before you graduated and stepped out into the "real" world?

The Cask of Amontillado, Or Taking Vengance Too Seriously

In honor of Poe's 200th birthday (actually in January, but I think a 200th can be celebrated all year), and by my friend Bonnie's request, I have chosen to discuss the gruesome subject of being buried alive.

While being buried alive would definitely not be at the top of any one's list of "The Best Ways to Die" it does seem to be a favorite of authors, both of literary works and screenplays. Poe himself used it multiple times.

In addition to the story I have named in the title of this blog, there are many movies, books and episodes of television shows that center around a character being buried alive. A few examples: In Kill Bill: Volume 2, by Quentin Tarantino, the heroine is buried alive and escapes by punching through the coffin. In the 'Lost' episode 'Exposé' two characters are taken for dead and buried alive (in this case not on purpose.) There is a movie actually titled "Buried Alive." Nick Stokes was buried alive on CSI and Dr. Brennan and Dr. Hodgins are buried alive together in one episode of "Bones."

From the criminal's point of view, burying someone alive would seem to be one of the best options. No messy cleanup, and a lower chance of being caught. This crime is not, however, for the faint of heart. The victim of this crime is likely to make quite a racket when they discover their fate, and in general, I find, listening to that can be tedious. Take for example, the hero (antihero?) of The Cask of Amontillado. Montresor actually stops to listen to his friend (I use that term lightly, as I don't think many people would bury an actual friend of theirs alive) plead for his life. He even finds some sick pleasure in listening to the cries for help. Of course, you could always drug the person. or if they were near death when you buried them, there might be less chance that they make noise.

On the other side of the issue, while being buried alive is an awful way to go, it also offers more possibility of escape. Someone intent on murder is much more likely to succeed with a gun, a knife, baseball bat, a syringe of some poison or drug... I could go on , but I think you get the picture. At least if you are buried alive, you might find a way out of the situation. Maybe someone will hear your cries for help. Or if you're Uma Thurman, Buffy, or Dean Winchester, you could just punch your way out of the coffin and dig yourself out of the grave.

Also, if you wake up and find yourself buried, there is a chance it was accidental. Its horrible that someone would be so negligent, but at least no one was trying to kill you. A comforting thought as you suffocate. Or not. It does make a good argument for cremation, as there is no chance you will "wake up" in an urn on your family's mantle.

If anyone has been buried alive, I would certainly be interested in hearing a first hand account of the experience.

Dust Bunnies....we know they are made of dust, but how do we know they are bunnies?

Disclaimer: I let my mother pick my topic today, and this is what she came up with.

I admit when my mom first said this, I laughed but I wasn't sure I would be able to say much on the subject. In fact, if my mom hadn't continued rambling about it I might not have anything to say.

It is curious that we call them dust"bunnies" when I have never seen one larger than a mouse. And given the fact that neither my mother nor I are particularly fond of cleaning, if anybody were to have a bunny size ball of dust, it would be us. Although if I were to come across one so large we would probably send out for help.

They hide every where, in corners, under your bed, in your broom. They are extremely sneaky and can easily escape you on the slightest puff of air. My mom is something of a conspiracy theorist, and thinks they could be spies. Although, she isn't sure which country might be controlling them.

Another suggestion from my mother is that they are just bunny parts, because when they come together they make an even bigger bunny. In fact they are very similar to transformers that way. That would make them aliens from another planet. I'm okay with that as long as they are here for good, and not to take over the planet.

We have never once caught them coming into or exit the house. They seem to appear from nowhere, and they are remarkably similar to their namesake in that they multiply rapidly. In addition, dust bunnies never leave you a basket of treats, hidden or otherwise. Although, it is possible that they are Jewish, and therefore do not celebrate Easter.

On the plus side they never leave their dropping around the house. They are very quiet...no wild parties. And they seem very loving, because we see them all the time. Incredibly despite their effect on humans' allergies, dust bunnies never seem to be sick, as I have never once seen one in a hospital.

There are real gray bunnies, but there are also black, brown, white and spotted bunnies. Dust bunnies on the other hand, only come in gray. Is this because gray bunnies are the best? Or is it because gray bunnies were the low bunny on the totem pole. Perhaps we'll never know.

Thoughts?

Eight Things I Love About Joss Whedon...

I just have to take a minute out of my day and express to you how much I love Joss Whedon. I think that this man is a genius and I would give my left arm to meet him or be in in a show he created. There are many things I love about Mr. Whedon, but I have prepared a short list for you, my readers.

1) Buffy the Vampire Slayer - My favorite show of all time. I own all seven seasons and still watch them. There are so many things to love about Buffy, but the most important is that this was a show that was built around a female superhero. Buffy was no Wonder Woman, she had flaws, but we loved her all the more for them. Over seven seasons she saved the world multiple times, and at the same time dealt with everyday problems. Her mom died, her sister rebelled, friends betrayed her, boys gave her drama, and through it all she prevailed. Buffy gave hope that anything could be conquered if you try hard enough.

2) Dollhouse - I have been waiting for a new show from Joss, and I was not disappointed. This show has everything I have some to expect from Whedon, interesting, conflicted characters, twisty plots, and a compelling main character. Not to mention, it brought Eliza Dushku back to TV.

3) Guest-starring on Veronica Mars - Joss Whedon didn't create the show Veronica Mars, but he definitely paved the way for it. Multiple Buffy alums guested on this show, but I was thrilled when Joss himself made a special appearance as an annoying supervisor at a car-rental place. It was a perfectly understated way for him to show that he appreciated and respected the show.

4) Nathan Fillion - One of my favorite actors, who Joss Whedon made into a star. He started on Buffy as the creepy clergyman Caleb, then became the leading man in the short lived, but much loved Firefly and its companion movie Serenity. Now he is on a non-Whedon show called Castle, but I firmly believe Fillion owes his success to Joss Whedon.

5) Mutant Enemy and the Grrr, Argh - If you have never seen a Whedon show, then this won't make any sense to you at all. Every episode of a show created by Joss Whedon ends with a monster running across the screen and saying "Grrr, Argh!" Not really a genius things in and of itself, but its cute, and it is unmistakably Joss Whedon's.

6) Once More, With Feeling - As a fan of musicals in general, I was overjoyed with the musical episode of Buffy. This gets its own number on the list because it was so spectacular. Whedon wrote all for the music himself, all the stars did their own singing, the opening credits were clever, the Grr, Argh! at the end was sung like opera, I could go on forever.

7) The comics - When fans weren't happy with the end results of Whedon's shows, he didn't argue, he wrote more. Angel, Buffy, and Firefly all got comics that continue the story for those fans who just can't let go. (I'll admit, I am one.)

8) Angel - Angel was a much loved character on Buffy, but it was clear that he couldn't remain at Buffy's side forever. Instead, he got his own show, which made it possible for Cordelia and Wesley to continue in the world of Whedon, and introduced us to more interesting characters in Fred and Gunn. It also provided an avenue for Spike to return from the grave after his spectacular fiery death on Buffy. Pleasing all those Spike fans out there who were sad to see him go. (Again, me!)


I could continue to list things I love about Joss Whedon, but it would probably bore you. Suffice it to say, if you haven't experienced this man's creative genius, you should. I promise you won't be disappointed.